I was talking to my friend the other day.
This is a snippet of our conversation:
“I still need to make an appointment for that ADD eval stuff. I tried, I really did.”
“I think they have this system in place so that if you DO call back, they know you don’t need help.”
“Yeah that’s probably true. It’s like Calvin and Hobbes. The surest sign that people have ADD is that they haven’t sought treatment yet.”
Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes
I love Calvin and Hobbes.
There are lots of things I’m good at.
I want to say that first.
The problem is that doing those things that I’m good at is sometimes dependent on my being able to slog through the quagmire of the things that I struggle with. Here is my current dilemma:
My ADD is heartily in need of treatment. I have gone to two different doctors and have gotten evaluated and received a diagnosis from both of them. The reason I had to do it again, and have to do it again, is because neither of them were able or willing to prescribe medicine. Are you kidding me?
So, I need to find a doctor who is familiar with ADD, is taking new patients, is contracted with my obscure veteran’s dependent medical insurance and can actually treat my problem.
Most of the symptoms that I exhibit inhibit me from doing that sort of thing.
Because…
I don’t like talking on the phone.
I’m extremely challenged by anything to do with scheduling. and details. and organization.
I have issues with not being assertive.
Decision making is not my strong suit.
Yerg.
So I was talking to my friend about it and we came up with a great idea.
There needs to be a proxy appointment facilitator. Someone who you can just hand off the chore of finding a doctor and appointment scheduling and all that stuff that is effected by the symptoms that you are trying to get treatment for. Maybe there is. But I think it’s only after you are diagnosed, if it exists at all. Which is great. But it would really do the most good, I think, earlier on the path. Oh and it needs to be free. Because cost is also an inhibiting factor for many people. If it wasn’t then we’d all just hire personal assistants and be on our merry way. (Also, the maid and chef-if we’re going to dream.)
So yesterday I decided that I was going to set up an appointment once and for all.
I got the number of my friend’s son’s pediatric psychiatrist who treat’s his ADHD and whom they love. I wasn’t sure if he treated grownups, but I thought that maybe he could recommend someone.
They have an automated answering system where you have to leave a message and they’ll get back to you.
ANSWERING MACHINES ARE MY NEMESIS.
Really, it’s ridiculous how much they throw me off. I expect to talk to a person and use them to get the information that I need. Suddenly I have to quickly figure out what information is most pertinent and it just throws me off my game.
I called and left a msg for the new patient appointment scheduling line. (I’m quite certain that they can tell that I need an appointment by the lameness of my message.)
I called back and tried to talk to the billing department to see if they are contracted with my insurance. The system hung up on me.
I called back and talked to a very nice and helpful lady. I wish she was in the scheduling department.
Then I called back and left a slightly less rambling message on the “general message” line.
By then my head had split open and the beans were spilling out.
Hopefully they call back soon.
I really need this to start going more smoothly soon.
meh.
I take a ton of pictures. I mean, really a lot. For example, I received a new camera for my birthday in March. It keeps a running tally of the pictures and numbers the photos accordingly. We are getting really close to 9000. I thank my lucky stars that somebody invented the digital camera. I would not be able to feed my camera addiction without it. Aside from the prohibitive cost,film cameras from shot to print was always too many steps for me to get done. I will say in my defense that a lot of those pictures happened because I take a lot of pictures of Child C playing sports. I set my camera on continuous so it will keep taking pictures as long as I hold down the button. That way I can maybe get a shot of the action. But I get a lot of extra shots, too. The ones right before or after the one good one. But I was always frustrated by missing the shot and this way I don’t nearly as often.
See?
What you don’t see is the seven more shots of the splash that continued after this. So I claim the 9000 number to be an inaccurate portrayal of my picture obsession. (Let’s not bring up the fact that I also take photos on my phone, ok?)
Having a camera, for me, can help me to bridge a gap that I might feel in a social setting. It’s gives me something to be doing besides making small chat. Or, it can give me something to chat about so I don’t have to think up something else. Occasionally, it gives me an excuse to offer an invitation to friend someone on Facebook when I otherwise might not have the nerve to ask them. It can give me a little breathing room as well. Offering me a filter through which to view things when I need a little space. I’ve known that the camera I carry is more than just a picture taking machine for me for a while now.
I just realized last week, however, that I also use this device in another way. Last week I forgot my camera at home (the horror!). I found that it was really difficult for me to keep my attention on the game the whole time. It was just too long and there were too many other things going on for me to keep from being distracted. When I was younger, I always had a book in my hand in case I needed something to do. Now I carry a camera or (and) a smart phone to fill the same need. (Scrabble for Android, I’m talking to you.) I realized that I borrow the camera’s focus so that I don’t miss the game. I know that sometimes I don’t see everything when I’m looking through the camera lens. The world is a wide open space and the viewer box cannot see all of it. But I think it’s a fair trade to put on some blinders to be able to see what I need to focus on.
oh, we weren’t?
huh.
I’m pretty much always on that subject. It’s hard for me to imagine that you all are not. Ah well.
Three times in the last week I let pots of soup or something boil over onto the stove. (I think that’s a record, even for me.) The stove, by the way, is one of those ceramic cooktops. This helps to make clean up easier (sorta). But, according to the manual, they pretty much frown on you getting anything on it. Especially things like tomato sauce, which is fairly acidic and might pit the surface. I don’t like tomato soup to begin with. But foaming all over the stove makes it particularly gross. :O
and…
I forgot to turn in my final paper for my class. Soooo this morning I jumped up and ran over to my school to turn it in. Hoping that I’m not too late to at least get partial credit. 
nerg.
Happily, so far today that is all. Of course, it’s early yet.
On my way home I saw a little truck with a bumper sticker that said, “I BRAKE FOR SAUCY WENCHES!” Gave me a little chuckle. Then I thought of a couple bumper stickers I might like to have.
I BRAKE IN ORDER TO SLOW DOWN!
~*~
HONK IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY
OR AN IDIOT NEARBY!
Then, in an odd little aside, there was a praying mantis hitching a ride on the bottom of my grocery cart at the store. Instead of putting my cart away like I usually like to do, I rolled it over to the edge of the parking lot where the are some bushes and grasses and parked it off-road there. Hopefully he will decide that he needs to jump ship before someone collects that cart.
We are heading out in a few minutes to play in the creek at the park with some friends before our soccer game tonight.
Busy. Busy.
At least not for me.
I checked out a book from the library the other day. I haven’t checked anything out since Spring Break because I can’t afford to spend homework time in a book. And, of course, I know I will. So, I’m reading this book and it feels nice to just sit and read for a change and it’s been so long…
My son came over while I was engrossed in reading to try to get me to do something with him/for him. I resisted and found myself getting snappy with him over having to stop. That’s when I remembered why and when I stopped seriously reading. It was when he was a little guy and I realized that I was capable of postponing all sorts of important things in order to just finish this chapter, which would lead to another chapter, which would lead to–well, I’m sure you get the idea. So, I stopped. Except for the occasional brief foray back.
One of my big ADD symptoms is difficulty with transitions. Stopping what I’m doing to do something else is really difficult for me. Much like little children often need a preparatory countdown (Ok, Johnny, we’re going to be leaving in 10 minutes, then 5, then 2, etc.) to ease the surprise of having to quickly change gears from playing to leaving, I need similar warning. My son and I have unofficially arranged something like this. I’m not sure he knows we do it.
But, I’m not sure it would work with reading.
Because I don’t read casually. My standard operating procedure with a book is to sit down and read it until it’s done. I devour books. It turns out that they devour me right back. I read quickly. So quickly it’s kinda ridiculous. Most books take a day for me to get through. Maybe two if I try to pace myself. So I’m effectively out of commission for two days if I get a new book.
It’s funny, a lot of people with ADD don’t read very well. In fact, I was reluctant to believe that I had ADD because I do read so well. Then I came across one book that mentioned that some of us, especially with inattentive type, use books, TV, and the internet as escapism in much the same way that others use dangerous, high adrenaline producing behaviors to get a rush and fire up our sluggish brains.
For me, reading is not casual and neither is my son.
I traded books for him because sometimes I know exactly where I should focus my attention.
The two biggest words, says me,
would definitely be IF and MAYBE.
Two little words, huge with possibility.
If we might. maybe we could.
Maybe we oughtn’t. If we should?
two tiny insignificant words they look
How do they stymie this Brook?
Six Words
This morning I was all poised to scribble a hasty note with some quotes that I like included because I’ve felt kind of overwhelmed by all the things I feel I need to get done to the point where I’m not really getting any of them done. Including blogging, of course. My attention is flitting lightly from one thing I need to get done to another without sticking to any of them.
And then I read this:
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/sing-your-damn-heart-out.html
and I listened to the song that she embedded in there and I think maybe I am focused again on what needs done first. I will still include the quotes because I think they are not inappropriate to the story.
”Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.”
~ Danny Kaye
“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that, so it goes on flying anyway.” -Mary Kay Ash
Thank you Universe for the gift that is that story and especially the song.
I highly recommend you read it and have a listen.
I love you mom.
My friend was watching this on PBS last night and found a link to the trail for it.
I’m going to have to watch it. She said it was very informative!
The other day in art history class we learn about Leonardo da Vinci.
My instructor informs us that Leonardo was freaking brilliant and considered one of the greatest artists of all time. He was the first artist to really put all of the advancements in art together and conceive the painting as a whole and not focusing on one part to the detriment of the rest.
He was the true definition of a Renaissance Man; well versed in many interests ranging from art to science to architecture to military science to darn near everything!
He employed meticulous attention to detail. His paintings were planned within an inch of their lives using geometry and math and ideological symbolism. According to my instructor he was nearly obsessive about it.
and he was distractable. There are more unfinished Da Vinci paintings than there are finished ones. He would narrow his focus to the new project and get off to a good start and then… ooh, look at that catapult, I’ll just design a better one!
As my instructor is telling this and saying how obsessive and manic he was, I couldn’t help but think…I totally relate to everything Leonardo was thinking and doing. None of it sounds strange to me. I am interested in so many things that it is hard to narrow the window of focus don’t to just do a thing or two. I start stuff and rarely finish. I am full of ideas and low on follow through.
(I’m not claiming to be brilliant like he was.)
But, I would venture a guess that he had ADD and that makes him a little like me. Or me like he.
http://www.chadd.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home&TEMPLATE=/CM/HTMLDisplay.cfm&CONTENTID=18197
As a person who struggles with ADD, I can’t stress the importance of getting diagnosed and getting help for it.
