The Current Current

You know, I’m pretty sure that the first three quarter’s of last year had their little dramas. But, if I’m being honest, I don’t remember any. If I stop and concentrate really hard, I can just start to recall some of the stuff that was going on earlier in the year. There are things in your life that are so significant and change things so thoroughly that your life is forever divided into before that event and after that event. I think it’s safe to say that the death of a parent is one of those. It’s worse when it’s unexpected.

Learning of my mom’s death felt a little bit like getting hit by a tidal wave. Suddenly, the whole world is topsy-turvy and you are battered by wave after wave. At the end you are left treading water just trying to keep your head up. You’re exhausted and all you really want to do is rest, but you know that you won’t make it if you don’t keep it up.

After what seems like forever, you are able to grab on to some small piece of driftwood that allows you to catch your breath a little. And so you float there. Drifting in the vast sea, too tired to do anything more than just cling to your little flotation device for dear life.

If you are lucky, that will be the only storm for a while. If you are less lucky you will be lambasted by another squall that stirs up out of nowhere and threatens to make you lose your grip on that little thing buoying you up. For me that was my husband’s hunting adventure at Thanksgiving which landed him in the hospital for several days. And really that  would have been enough. I made it through finals without my head exploding and managed not to fail my classes. And so it was winter break.

Oh, thank goodness. Finally I’d have enough of a break to be able to get my bearings and rest up. But, instead this happened.

And hopefully, that’s all for now.

I did have one week of break where nothing exciting happened and we were able to have a good visit with my family.

I now feel like I am no longer just treading water and reacting to the crazy waves that keep on coming.

I feel like I might be able to lift my head up and get a look around.

I have tough classes this term, but due to scheduling issues I wasn’t able to add in Pilates or any other activity class. I’m disappointed by that, but what that does is give me the gift of time. I have big blocks of time in between my classes that allow me to do homework or run errands or whatever.

So, I feel like I may just be able to start paddling soon. And I might be able to take advantage of these ocean currents to make some headway instead of just being carried away.

Today was a day for healing tears.

When I read this beautiful post my heart was cracked open and I was able to shed some much needed tears. It felt good to get them out. My heart aches for this family whom I have never met nor even read before today.

Thanks for listening. See you tomorrow for Six Word Friday.