I am not fat. (Viewer discretion advised)

When I talk about my ADD I try to be careful to make the distinction that I have it, not that I AM it.  I’ve blogged about it before.  Someone posted on facebook recently a sentence that, after it had a little time to sink in, really made my stop and think. What they posted was:

Fine, I have fat, not I am fat.

At first I dismissed it a little. Yes, of course, that makes sense. So? But it refused to give up as easily as that and niggled around in my brain, tapping at neurons until I paid more attention to it. Right. Okay. Yes. It’s kind of obvious once you think about it, isn’t it? I have fat. It does not define me. As much as our thin obsessed society would like me to think otherwise, I am not fat. I have fat. I have fat on my body. Some of which, maybe even most, I’d like to take off of my body. I am working at doing so. But in the meantime I am resolved to love my body for the beauty that it holds now.


I have fat. That little word has no bearing on myself as a person. It has nothing to do with my heart, my soul, my sexiness, my womanliness, my abilities as a mother, as a spouse, or as an artist.


I think that our media and society has fetishized thinness to point where people have trouble believing that any variation is attractive at all. It’s hard to envision yourself as beautiful when society holds up a picture of what beauty is and you don’t match it. We have swallowed the line heard so often; that we ARE fat and that being fat is a failing. The truth is that having fat is not a failing. Even if you want to lose weight or fitten up, it is possible to love yourself and your body now. In fact, you must. The way you talk to yourself colors the entirety of your experience. If you are hateful toward your body it won’t work with you it will work against you. You need to love your body into a new shape.


I wonder if it would be easier to turn down a “fatty” dessert if you could just say, “No, thanks. I already have enough fat.” As opposed to drawing it in to the fatness that you ARE because you can’t separate yourself from your fat. Hard to say. But it’s sure as hell worth a try.



A funny thing happened yesterday. I was on Pinterest and ended up spending 15 or 20 minutes looking a a couple of boards in promotion of Curvy women. After just that little amount of time had a big effect on my perception of my own body.



Just that small amount of time looking a big beautiful women let me see in me some of the things that I considered beautiful about them. Imagine if that could happen all of the time. If women of every beauty type across the broad spectrum were regularly represented in mainstream media. If your culture said that you were beautiful, too.



It is hard to imagine it.

What if our young men saw that it was okay to find more than one type of woman attractive? What if it was not considered a fetish to be attracted to bigger people? What if we allowed people to love who they love without labels?

What if I told you you’re beautiful?

What if you knew it already because you didn’t have to fight so hard against society’s cookie cutter idea of beauty?

What if I am not fat? What if I have fat?

What if it doesn’t really matter that much if I do?

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Brian
    Mar 24, 2014 @ 06:21:59

    These pictures of you are classy, well-done and VERY attractive. There are indeed men out here that find you attractive and we are gaining more and more of a voice. PLEASE, ladies, when a man tells you he thinks you’re hot, don’t scoff at his compliment. If I say it to a woman of curves, I mean every word. I don’t fetishize woman of size either, in case you fear that’s the case. I appreciate women of smaller frames too. I just happen to think that there are beautiful women in all sizes!!


    • B
      Mar 24, 2014 @ 07:10:42

      Thank you very much. It’s good to hear. In our thin obsessed society, it’s a breath of fresh air. It’s true, attractive people come in every shape, size, color, age, and style. The options that we are presented with by mainstream media are so limiting.
      Vanilla ice cream is good, but I love to eat at 31 flavors for the choices.


  2. The Chicago Streets
    Oct 16, 2015 @ 12:45:00

    You’re not fat. Fat is an easy 3 letter word that is an easily able to recall in times of judgement towards the weak. You’re gorgeous, and anyone who can’t see it are blind to beauty! I am a 28 year old man from Chicago, I don’t have any form of fetishism towards the diverse sizes of the female anatomy, I stumbled on this ‘googling’ “beauty doesn’t always feel beautiful”, a famous quote from Marilyn Monroe. Society has made us all feel ugly at some point, but society is the biggest ugly in the world. Hope nothing but the absolute best to you!


    • B
      Oct 16, 2015 @ 13:41:03

      Thank you. I appreciate the appreciation. I’ve nothing against a fetish or two, but it’s nice to be complimented separate of that.


  3. Peter
    Aug 29, 2017 @ 17:46:02

    Very nice pictures and nice to see a really women in front of the camera👍 instead of these fake plastic stick thin women😱 well done hope to see more of you like this 👍you look fantastic x


    • B
      Aug 29, 2017 @ 17:49:13

      Thank you. But please don’t feel like you need to put down someone else to lift me up. We are all real women.


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