So I’ve read recently about a couple instances of ridiculousness in terms of what legal consent is or isn’t or should or shouldn’t be.
Let me say first that merely achieving consent is a pretty low bar to set for dual participation activities. I did not think this up, but I’ve been staunchly in favor of it since I read it (somewhere that I can’t remember):
You want enthusiastic participation. Not just someone who lets you, but someone who wants you and is tuned in, turned on, and excited to be doing it.
If you don’t have that, consider why not and don’t just plow ahead anyway.
In case you are struggling with some of the issues about consent that seem to be confusing for some people, I’ve come up with a way of thinking that just might help you.
From now on, treat all sex
The same way you treat Anal sex.
Not everyone does it. Not everyone likes it. Don’t even bring it up until you’re comfortable together. They aren’t obliged to say yes even if you really want to do it.
If they do like and trust you enough to do it, be careful, be conscientious, take care not to hurt them, and stop if they say to. Do everything you can to make it feel good and be enjoyable so they might want to do it again with you.
Don’t assume that just because they did it before they are going to do it every time you want to.
**yes, of course, there can be exceptions to any rule, but keeping this in mind for most situations certainly won’t steer you wrong. Erring on the side of too much consent* can only be a good thing.
*you can’t have too much consent.