Mother. May. I…

She was born in 1956. She would be 56 this year. Just a quick 20 years older than I.

Being as her birthday is the 13th of May, it is always engaged in a dance with the Mother’s Day.

Occasionally they meet up.

Like today.

Last year was the first Mother’s Day since she’d been gone and her birthday was on the Friday before it. I don’t know yet if it’s harder this way or not. I’ll hazard a guess that every year will be hard in its own unique way.

This year, I would have loved for her to see me hanging my BFA Senior Art Show which opened on Thursday. and graduating next month. and, of course, how big and strong and cool her favorite (and only) grandson is growing up to be. These things hurt my heart.

But we will not dwell on them too long, for while they are true, they are not the whole story. The whole story is so much bigger and broader than just that. I talk to her about these things and ask her to help me and watch over things.

and still, that is not the whole story. I am so grateful for the 34 years that we had together even as rough as some of them we were on each other. There are many, too many, people that lose their parent far younger than I did and have an even smaller bank of memories to draw upon to comfort them when they need it. Obviously, I would have liked to have longer with her. I would have loved to have been able to grumble and fumble our relationship into our old ages together. But that is not the cards we’ve been dealt. And you have to play the cards in hand, not the rest of the deck.

I’ve probably rambled on for long enough.

I love you, Mom.


HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU! (and the Grandmas)

I miss you.


New Year

I’ve decided to move (most of) my celebration of the New Year to March.

January doesn’t really feel like the beginning of anything. It’s still right in the middle of the deep cold and, in fact, the worst of winter is still yet to come. (Usually!) I appreciate the need for a festival of lights at that time of year. But I feel like it’s more of a celebration of having crossed the halfway mark, than of the end or beginning of anything.

But March.

March feels more like a time to get things started. Just ask the plants and animals. Babies are being born, seeds are sprouting, the weather begins to show improvement. I start to feel the itchiness of the possibility of things to do. Spring fever sets in.

It doesn’t really help that my birthday is in March. This is for me, time to start a new year.

For my birthday yesterday we went out for typical Irish fare at Rancher’O. Doesn’t everyone eat fajitas for St. Patty’s Day? It was nice. Although we wussed out and were home by 10:00pm.





Happy 36th New Year!

The Birthday Surprise

Couple months ago

On Thursday my husband woke up with a sore eye. Just a weird pain that he said felt like he’d pulled a muscle behind his eyelid. Since Thursday was filled with other challenges, he ignored it and carried on with the day. (It was his job on Thursday to take care of putting our dog down and also going to Grandparent’s Luncheon so our son wouldn’t be alone.)

On Friday when he awoke his eye was worse. He couldn’t open it at all and when he bent over or moved his head too fast he would feel enormous pressure in his eye. So he went over to the hospital to have it checked out.

It turns out it was a stroke.

They admitted him to run more tests and see what was going on. The MRI found a mass behind his eye and some more clots. They feel confidant that they are dissolving the other clots satisfactorily. Unfortunately, they found the mass behind his eye to be a brain tumor. They will be transferring him up to Portland to go see a specialist in this type of tumor.

Happy Birthday!

Not precisely how we’d planned on spending his 49th birthday yesterday.

My “Green” Pajama Birthday

I’m posting this the night before so I can be sure that I beat Emily over at My Pajama Days to her early morning post. See, I submitted an essay to her contest and it’s going to be featured on her blog tomorrow.


The 17th.

Which is, by sheer happenstance (and a little begging (ha ha!)), my birthday.

Woo hoo!

I’m so excited to get to have my work on her blog and it’s a special treat for my birthday and the holiday, too!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!!

So go over to check out her blog. She’s a great writer and has a friendly style that I quite enjoy.

But, a little word of warning…my essay is sad.

The options were:

My Best Pajama Day

My Funniest Pajama Day

My Worst Pajama Day

My Biggest Tearjerker Pajama Day

Mine falls under those last two, though officially I called it My Worst.

Because it was.

I tried to think of a happy or funny story, I really did. But the lens through which I’ve been viewing my life these last five months (omg, is it 5 already?) is tinted a shade of blue. I have funny and grand stories. But they will have to keep until I am better able to focus in that direction.

So click on over to read it and hang out over there for a while, I think you’ll like it.




My son turns eight today.

I can’t figure out how that could possibly be true.

I’m quite sure he was just born the other day.

We are in 2nd grade?

All of this is just some elaborate hoax.

I know it.

It must be.


Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


Today is my birthday. Other than a few too many green birthday presents, I really think today is one of the best days to have your birthday. Especially when it comes to holiday birthdays. It really is a bit of a party holiday. So, most of the known universe will be out celebrating with me tonight. It’s not a gift giving holiday, so I don’t get robbed of my special day by having to get everyone else stuff. I know people who are born on or near Christmas and Mother’s Day who often get the two in one gift. I dodged that. 

So, raise your glasses! and drink a toast to St. Patrick and all of us born on this marvelous day!


I’m turning 34 this time around. When I was turning 30, I kept waiting for some terrible midlife kind of freak out or depression. I felt like I was supposed to be feeling one of those things like you see on tv. The one’s where you ruin your life or at least toss the apple cart over to see what turns up. I never had that. As a matter of fact, I’ve felt more myself the older I get. I feel more and more focused and powerful as I shed the superficial crap that we are preoccupied with when we are younger. I still have some stuff to work on, of course. But, in general, I feel better able to deal with life’s stumbling block’s.

I think this year has been pretty good overall.

So, Happy Day! Erin Go Bragh! and as they say….

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
and also
May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world,
with joy that long endures
May all life’s passing seasons,
bring the best to you and yours!
(special thanks to Ryan C. for posting these for me to steal)