the middle of the night

Sometimes these things

these things weigh heavily on my mind.

Pushed up from my heart where usually they lay in dormant slumber.

These hard things. Sad things. Difficult things that are here or else are coming.

They are there. Things that must be done. Or staved off.

Things that are bigger than me. Overwhelming and tricky things.

A list of things a mile long that must be done, figured, taken care of.

These things that get the best of me more often than I care to admit.

Mostly I sleep well. Sleep is healing and keeps the gears running,

but sometimes this list just ticks on through. Not letting me rest in it’s demanding urgency.

The clock is ticking, the list is ticking, time just keeps on ticking by

and still I just keep swimming upstream it feels like. Awash in a sea of mixed metaphors

and similarly confused similes like a salmon throwing itself up the rapids, desperate only to hatch these ideas into fruition.

I’m tired and need to go back to bed, but I needed to get some of this junk out of my weary head.

It will keep until the morning.

My tender heart will not break tonight even though it is stretched tight. My brain paces around itself looking for the lightswitch.

Turn out the lights, it’s bedtime.

Fire breathing sans filter

I remember back in the days before it wasn’t cool to smoke when the Marlboro Man was hot and real men wanted to be like him and cowboy up and smoke nonfiltered because filters are for pussies. when having to put a filter on when you were trying to motherfucking breathe fire meant you were weak and couldn’t take the heat.
so remember, when you are burning your fire stick and breathing fire, that filters are for those of us who can’t stand the burn. non-filtered is stronger and, no doubt, burns faster and brighter while it sears and cauterizes and heals. non-filtered, unrestricted, wild fire is a cleansing by nature to make room for new life by clearing out the flammable junk that is cluttering up the path and posing a fire hazard threat. it may be scary and some people try to tame it, but we know that a little fire now will prevent a catastrophic burnout later. people might be scared by the flames that might burn us and turn away from the glare, but we also can also find comfort and safety in the circle of light and warmth that is cast. so, unfiltered may be uncomfortable and sometimes unwelcome, but it is not unbecoming. it is, in fact, unfettered and unleashed. and sometimes you might choke on the smoke but the clear, fresh air is so much sweeter after that it is worth it. because you can breathe fire and light up the night, and chase away the demons who hide in the dark.

*this post is dedicated to my friends who struggle with filtering and trying to reign themselves in. I, myself, struggle with the opposite problem. I tend to filter entirely too much and I am trying to be more like you.