Friday Five-ish

Love is boring.

I’ve been married for a while now. The thing about love is that it starts out pretty flashy and dramatic. That’s great because maybe people wouldn’t get together without these “fireworks.” We’ve seen an entire movie genre spring out of the hormonal secretions of those newly in love. Of course, only rarely do movies show the rest of the story.

What happens in the castle after Cinderella marries the Dashing prince?

Because after the honeymoon phase, people settle in to living an actual life. Which just entails…stuff. Not bad stuff, just stuff. The little daily minutiae that all added together equal a life. Even if you lead a very exciting life, there is still cooking, cleaning, working, bill paying, child raising.

You know at the beginning of the fairy tale if the hero is willing to die to save the heroine.  And that’s great.

But it doesn’t really help when you are waiting in line for 3 hours at the DMV. Because I think that’s where love is.

Real, lasting love is sitting on those stupid, uncomfortable seats with you. It’s helping you dot your i’s and cross your t’s in triplicate in order to stave off another 3 hours. It’s taking turns herding the kids outside to get the wiggles out. Often, love is boring. Because life can be boring and you’ve got to love through that.

Love knows what it’s like to pace.

It will spend the wee hours of the morning walking the length of the house soothing a colicky baby. It’s in waiting rooms in hospitals everywhere.

When everything is going well and there are no hospital waiting rooms or colicky babies? Love holds your hand on the way into the grocery store. Or takes the trash out. Or makes your coffee for you.

Or sits through your favorite Dancing Show on a Monday night.


Hunting Season Is Upon Us

So today is the first day of hunting season around here.

While I personally don’t prefer to hunt, I have always respected my husband’s right to enjoy things that I don’t, especially since I feel like he has a strong respect for the animals and isn’t only hunting trophies.

But I have to say that after last year’s hunting “adventure” as well as three separate trips back to the same location to try to retrieve our camp gear which resulted in his truck getting stuck all three times in the same non cell phone signal area thus rendering him unable to even text me that he was okay without a good hike out to a spot with a signal. I am tired of hunting and all of the accompanying drama that we have been “enjoying” of late.

Next year he hopes to go hunting with his brother. Which will ease my mind quite a bit, since we all know that we’re supposed to use the buddy system, especially out in the wilderness.

But this year…

This year, I’m pleased to say that he is (as a concession to the rest of us) going hunting with a friend and a bit more locally. Hopefully that means he will be in touch more. Of course, I won’t hold my breath.

I wish him quick success. Because the quicker we get our deer, the quicker hunting season will be over.

Six Word Friday: Connect

Words connect us,

they often do

transmitting my thoughts from me to you.

hands connect us,

linking us together

fingers and palms snuggled up forever

bodies connect us,

these intimate relations

binding us closer through physical sensations

hearts connect us,

channeling our emotion

providing a buoy in life’s ocean

love connects us

nothing else needed.

Connect with other posts at Melissa’s  Six Word Friday link up.

The Handbook.

I have a theory.

We always hear that there isn’t a handbook. or instruction manual. Life doesn’t come with one. Kids surely don’t come with one.

Men say that they need one to figure out women.

Here is my theory:

There is a handbook on women that men have. Unfortunately there are only a few copies, so they’re being passed around from man to man and each guy only gets it for a very brief time.

This explains why every so often a husband or boyfriend (or other mantype) will say exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment magically and as if they totally understood you and knew what you needed to hear right then.

And how the rest of the time they can totally be a clodhead.

They only get their hands on the book rarely and briefly and then…POOF! It’s gone again.


I think most things in life can be explained in a dance metaphor.

For instance, in partner dancing there are moves that fall in the category of counterbalancing. This is where the dancers lean into very off balance positions, but the countering effect of the other person leaning the other way allows the dancer to create lines and pictures that would be impossible without the support and pull of their partner. When one partner moves the other must be aware of it and make adjustments to keep the balance going. If the partners are not focused and responsive to each other the whole thing falls apart and they come crashing down.





To me, this is a metaphor for marriage (or any long term relationship). Dancing together, you support each other’s movements to places that you might not have been able to go on your own. You need to be focused on each other to maintain your balance and make adjustments to match and support the framework of your hold so that you don’t let each other fall. Trust is mandatory. I’ve also read of these moves as leaning duets. You need to trust that the other half of your duet has the strength, stamina and, frankly, inclination to put forth the sustained effort that this choreography calls for. If either one of you cannot or will not commit to the partnerwork needed to maintain this balance, then you will crash and burn.




This is no place for the faint of heart.

This post is dedicated to my Valentine. My dance partner. My husband who holds me up and supports me so I can do what I never could have on my own. He lends me his strength unflinchingly. I know that he will not let me fall if it is at all within his power to control. Secure in that knowledge, we can lean out together and make beautiful moments and lines that we couldn’t make alone.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Significant Other

My instructor in Gender and Race in Political Thought class wears an earring. Of course, that doesn’t mean much any more. On the first day of class someone asked him about it (because it is really a nice design). He explained where he got it from and that his partner wore the other one. So, I can safely put him in the gay category. (I don’t judge, but I’m a human–we like labels.) As the class goes on, the course of conversation reveals that his partner is a she. Okay, take him out of the gay category and put him in the straight, but not married box. See me with my label maker running around making sure I know what’s what.

Then I got to thinking about it.

Maybe he uses the term consciously because he is an advocate for gender equality and all other equality and feels that partner is an accurate and equitable term. So I was going to ask him about it. But I got all caught up in the HOW of how to ask the question so I would be clear.

“Do you call your partner partner because she’s your partner or…” wait- that’s not clear.

Maybe a different word would help. So I tried again.

“Do you call your significant other your partner because of–

–Bleh that sounds even worse!

I thought about it in terms of my own life.

I am married. To a husband. (nice, easy prepackaged labels there.) And yet…

I hope (and think) the phrase Life Partner is just as accurate, if not more accurate, than husband or wife conveys. There are many ways to cohabit and then label that cohabitation. You wouldn’t have to do this at all if you never spoke to another human. But if you plan on doing that, then you will probably end up referencing your “significant other” in some way.

What the hell is a Significant Other?

Here is my problem with significant other as a term for your mate(!).

I am pretty sure I have never met an Insignificant Other. Except maybe that one guy I dated when I was 20. But even he was probably not Insignificant to his mother or friends or family. So we are all Significant Others.

If we stop and think about it, it is really hard to find a label that fits  comfortably and accurately describes what goes in to making a life together. We fall back on the easy traditional terms, because it is so difficult.

Partner is probably the next easiest label to use.