Permission for Enthusiasm, Ma’am!

I was in a situation recently where there was a certain expectation that I would behave in an unrestrained or enthusiastic manner.

And I did.

And it felt really good and freeing.

Which caused me to notice that I don’t typically act that way. And lament that I don’t.

Stewing on the WHY, I’ve been reading recently about a common symptom or comorbidity with adhd called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This is where you are very sensitive to the pain of rejection from being scolded or mocked. Because of that you start to self censor preemptively to avoid anticipated rejection.

This leads you to sand off the “sharp corners” of your behavior and personality in order to not be singled out for punishment for acting up or out.

And you whittle down your life until you are safe; invisible.

So with this revelation/realization, which I think is made possible because I’m on prozac and can see around and behind my anxieties instead of just being in them.

I can see this. And I can work on not doing this anymore.

Starting with Permission for Enthusiasm which I bestow upon myself.