a new year is here

I long for the days that were before

Though I know that they can be no more

standing on the cusp of a lifetime of new tomorrows

bled through and steeped with the blue of soul wrenching sorrow

I look to the future weary and heartsore

shivering from the cold of winter’s dark floor

I cannot yet rejoice in the coming of the new year

as those that preceded it were bathed in salted tears

these winter holidays with their festivals of light and cheer

remind us that the all-encompassing darkness will not always be here

with the passing of time and the turnings of the days

there will be incrementally larger slivers of the suns rays

I don’t need to rejoice with a leap and a bang

just light a small candle to light the way again

we know the wheel turns and turns

and the long cold winter nights will give way to summers burns

the light will return and the dark will recede

bringing the respite and clarity we need

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A Pity Ditty

♫I have a little tummy ache
I’ll tell you how I know
Cuz the contents of my tummy place
Up I want to throw!

 

the nausea it is mild

I’ll tell you how I know

cuz the cramping in my abdomen

and lower back are the main show!

 

I’m tired and I’m cranky

I’ll tell you how I know

Cuz the —

–Never mind. I’m going to bed.

the middle of the night

Sometimes these things

these things weigh heavily on my mind.

Pushed up from my heart where usually they lay in dormant slumber.

These hard things. Sad things. Difficult things that are here or else are coming.

They are there. Things that must be done. Or staved off.

Things that are bigger than me. Overwhelming and tricky things.

A list of things a mile long that must be done, figured, taken care of.

These things that get the best of me more often than I care to admit.

Mostly I sleep well. Sleep is healing and keeps the gears running,

but sometimes this list just ticks on through. Not letting me rest in it’s demanding urgency.

The clock is ticking, the list is ticking, time just keeps on ticking by

and still I just keep swimming upstream it feels like. Awash in a sea of mixed metaphors

and similarly confused similes like a salmon throwing itself up the rapids, desperate only to hatch these ideas into fruition.

I’m tired and need to go back to bed, but I needed to get some of this junk out of my weary head.

It will keep until the morning.

My tender heart will not break tonight even though it is stretched tight. My brain paces around itself looking for the lightswitch.

Turn out the lights, it’s bedtime.

Fire breathing sans filter

I remember back in the days before it wasn’t cool to smoke when the Marlboro Man was hot and real men wanted to be like him and cowboy up and smoke nonfiltered because filters are for pussies. when having to put a filter on when you were trying to motherfucking breathe fire meant you were weak and couldn’t take the heat.
so remember, when you are burning your fire stick and breathing fire, that filters are for those of us who can’t stand the burn. non-filtered is stronger and, no doubt, burns faster and brighter while it sears and cauterizes and heals. non-filtered, unrestricted, wild fire is a cleansing by nature to make room for new life by clearing out the flammable junk that is cluttering up the path and posing a fire hazard threat. it may be scary and some people try to tame it, but we know that a little fire now will prevent a catastrophic burnout later. people might be scared by the flames that might burn us and turn away from the glare, but we also can also find comfort and safety in the circle of light and warmth that is cast. so, unfiltered may be uncomfortable and sometimes unwelcome, but it is not unbecoming. it is, in fact, unfettered and unleashed. and sometimes you might choke on the smoke but the clear, fresh air is so much sweeter after that it is worth it. because you can breathe fire and light up the night, and chase away the demons who hide in the dark.

*this post is dedicated to my friends who struggle with filtering and trying to reign themselves in. I, myself, struggle with the opposite problem. I tend to filter entirely too much and I am trying to be more like you.

Birthday Word Doodles

It was my friend’s birthday the day before Valentine’s day.

We were challenged to write birthday songs for her.

Here were some I came up with:

roses are read
sandwiches are hammy
happy birthday to you
miss Tammy

Roses are red
Said the cranky old possum
All I know is
Tammy is awesome

back to the drawing board
the words are not coming
there are only so many
things that rhyme with running

tammy is my friend
the end ♥

roses are red
violets are blue
I don’t want diamonds
just give me running shoes

roses are red
violets are blue
bring back the storylady
because the library fucking sucks without her.

violets are blue
red is a rose
who’s the one
who snorts coffee out her nose?

books are read
by our tammy
all that running
gives you a nice fanny

roses have thorns
violets are stupid
valentine’s day is over
you’re a pain in the ass, cupid.

roses are crimson
violets are violet
probably this poem
will end up in the toilet

the cadence is off
the rhyming is shoddy
here’s another
to go in the potty.

It’s possible I veered off topic.

 

this is one i wish i made up:

roses are red
violets are blue
rhyming is hard
bacon

 

Just Keep Paddling!

 

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sometimes I sit next to the ocean and listen to the waves crashing,

just one after the other endlessly and eternally.

without regard for my problems or issues.

enormous and everlasting.

bigger than me.

 

bigger than nearly everything.

more powerful than me and anything that is thrown at it.

rocks and problems and anything are are tumbled and polished until they are but a grain of sand.

a tiny grain of sand among billions.

as am I.

and then I know that I am small and insignificant in the grand order of things.

and that is as it should be.

and my pain or sorrow is tossed into the ocean to be tumbled and ground down to but a grain of sand and wounds rinsed and cleansed with water and salt.

whatever the source of your comfort,

know that you are on the right path,

everything is as it should be for now,

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DSCN6055and you will get where you need to be if you can keep paddling.

 

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