Catch a Break

Recently my friend said to me, “you gotta catch a break soon.” And, well…yes, please.

But I got to thinking about it. Trying to catch a break hasn’t really been working out lately.

I decided I need to make a break– oh wait that’s not the right word.

I need to Create A Break!

Anyway, my interview for Walmart is tomorrow. 🤞🤞cross your eyes and everything for me.

Everything is ridiculous

I have applied to work at Walmart. I don’t prefer to get sucked into corporate retail waters, but they are paying 3 more dollars an hour. Which is too much to ignore. I’m sure that they are worse as a corporation than my current employer, but there isn’t much room to increase my pay without increasing my responsibilities at my current job. And I prefer not to do that. And I don’t think the pay increase would be commensurate to the responsibility either. And it would still be less than I would start at at Walmart (should I be hired).

My goal is still to increase/maintain my art business to the point that it becomes my main/only source of income. Until then, a job is just a job. So pay increase is important. I gots bills!

I’m pretty sure that working at Big W will cause my Hippie Card to be revoked.

Sadly, crapitalism is the main player right now. And I’m not enough of a risk taker to buck the system much.

Cross your eyes and fingers and legs and toes for me.

Currently I have been borrowing money from a friend to make ends meet. Even though I have a full-time job and a bit of a side hustle. I moved to try to decrease my expenses, but my roommate fell thru after I was locked into the lease. I didn’t have anywhere else to move anyway.

Now I’m trying to make it withour a roommate. Mostly because I’m crotchety and paranoid about new people with me and my cats.

This month I also had a big car repair and need some emergency dental care.

I’ve been trying to sell my art and stuff online, sadly that hasn’t really panned out yet.

I feel like I’m continuing to need help and I hate it. But I am continuing to take steps to fix my situation.

If you want to help, I have a gofundme

Or cashapp $brookarthuman

Venmo brookarthuman


Or sharing would also be helpful.


Other helpful actions would be to purchase some things from my online shop

Or my Etsy:

I really struggle with asking for help and with the sales/marketing side of art business even. It really messes with my anxiety, self confidence, and depression triggers apparently.

I don’t have a great way to end this post, so I’ll just say

I love you. And thanks!

Seeds of (conflict) Resolution.

Heard a story on twitter this morning:

I was inspired by this story. And am looking for a good place to donate towards Ukrainian relief efforts as a portion of the proceeds from this design will be donated to help.

Christmas plans.

I’m not doing anything for xmas this year. Although I do have some nebulous notions of making my cats pose for holiday photos.

I feel kinda weird about this. It’s maybe the first time I’ve not had to go anywhere or do anything. I loved Xmas as a kid, but I realize now that much of that came from it being mostly a surprise.

As the Santa Assistant Local #10398 chapter president, I have had a lot of responsibility for producing much of the magic and surprises of xmas. This is a lot of pressure!

This year I am an empty nester and additionally, my son is out of town for break. So I’m really excited to humbug a bit this year.

I assume there will be some high lonesome blues at times, but still, overall I think it will be good to have a breather.

Season’s Greetings!

Trying to hustle!

Doing the hustle, or self-promotion, side of being an artist is often a struggle for us artists.

I know it is for me.

But I’ve been working harder on that part, which includes uploading more things to my shop platforms.

So here are what I currently have on my redbubble account. Dancingcreek

But, her peanut butter!

Yesterday I went to the Food4less to grocery shop. Supposedly they have food for less.

I think I’ve been in there before, but it’s been so long that I was basically starting anew.

I noticed that they had a decent sized bulk section. I had to do a double take at the bulk container of peanuts because it had a sogn saying you could get fresh ground peanut butter. Which I haven’t seen before.

I didn’t need peanut butter, but jelly was on the list so I meandered into the next aisle to have a looksee.

There was a fella in the aisle pretty much exactly where I needed to be so I stayed back a bit to let him finish and peek around him some.

He grabbed a jar and turns around to say, “I’m always getting in trouble for getting peanut butter Spread. I’m supposed to just get peanut butter.”

I reply, “you should get some of the fresh ground peanut butter in the bulk section.”

“I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Yep, a big tub. ‘Is this what you wanted?'”

We laugh.

I add, “oh, or just a big bag of peanuts.”

He nods in agreement. “And a blender!”

He really gets into it and says, “or maybe I’ll just show up with a plant with a big ol’ root ball and some potting soil!”

We snicker some more and he says I should have a good day as he wanders off.


Now I want to go back and get some fresh peanut butter.

Nice little interlude of humor.

A Poem. Titled

I wrote a poem.

I wrote a poem and I filled it up with words.

And crafted lines of the most beautiful prose you’ve ever heard.

You could feel the emotions dripping off of the page

The sadness

like molasses

The fiery crackle of burning hot rage

Some humor, a light

To cut through the darkness

Like a knife.

I weighed you down

In pain to wallow,

Then lifted you up

In healing for tomorrow.

The words were flowing

And then they weren’t.

May Flowers

They say that April showers

Bring May flowers.

I think that this may be true,

But only if violets are blue.

Perhaps a vase of weeping willow

Bent in sorrow o’er a dampened pillow.

Between Mother’s Day

And the day of your birth

May can tend to be low in mirth.

You’ve been gone now for years and years.

It’s not fresh. I’m not often awash in tears.

But if there is going to be a time when I weep,

I can safely say it’ll be this week.

Mother’s Day 2021

Selfish Semantics.

Content warning: suicide.







The other day I received news that my friend’s ex had killed himself. He was, generally speaking, a good guy and it’s a sad thing. [He contracted/developed a Bonehead Disorder for which he refused to seak treatment that led to their breakup. It surprised all of us because he’d previously not shown any symptoms 🤷‍♀️]

As it happens, that friend is my person. And who I usually can vent to when something is bothering me. In this situation, she understandably, is not in the headspace to be that for me. As she shouldn’t have to, of course.

Luckily it was just a couple days till my regular therapy appointment.

I spoke to my therapist about things and eventually we were talking about suicide more generally (since that’s also how I lost my mom, there’s some history stuff churned up).

I said that “I know people say that suicide is really selfish…”

She said that it is.

We had a bit of a discussion about it.

It came down to realizing that my interpretation of “selfish” includes intent and greed. Which I don’t think is usually what’s going on. She agreed with me and we tried to think of another way to say selfish that didn’t also have those connotations.

The next day I came up with thoughtless, but I still don’t think that’s the right word either because part of the problem is thinking wrongly. They put a lot of thought behind it. But from inside their depression or other illness, they don’t have, or can’t see, the correct information.

Negligent was another word that is close, but not quite right.

As I started to write this post, my intention was to grumble a bit and complain about not having thought of the correct word to convey my meaning properly. As a person who takes pride in her facility with words it’s frustrating.

The act of coalescing my thoughts to write them down enabled me to produce a word/phrase that I think might work.


Because of their situation and/or mental health they aren’t able to see out of the pain and darkness to account for the feelings of others accurately. And depression lies to you.

Depression Lies.

If you are feeling suicidal, please reach out for help.


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