“Funny”

A thing that I find funny, you know, in that funny-not funny way that things sometimes are in life (and death) is a little tidbit regarding my mom and my husband.
They both loved me (us) very much and wanted to take care of me (us) in the best way that they knew how. They just really disagreed on what that looked like.
So, while they could put aside their differences sometimes, they could also really, really, not get along at other times.
Now that they are both gone, we are going through some rough transitional times, but ultimately, it will end up that between the benefits we receive from Al’s disability and the income we will end up getting from mom’s estate, we will be okay. And it will be roughly in half as to who the support comes from.
So they will have managed to work together to take care of us “one last time,” in spite of their differences.

I like to think that they aren’t burdened by petty squabbles any more and can see each others’ motives clearly now. So that will help them to work together to help us as time passes. Between the two of them (and others, of course) we have a pretty damn good team working for us.

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Solace

Today I miss your arms wrapped around me offering comfort and protection from the sorrows and trials of the world outside the circle of your embrace. What do I do when the very sorrow that I need comfort from is the loss of you and your protective love. The physicalness of you is a lack I feel deeply, along with the many other losses to my heart, mind, and soul. I wish that you could hold me and comfort me to help me get over/through the loss of you. When we first danced together, I knew I wanted to be held in your arms for a long, long time. I got my wish, but I am greedy and would have much more. Your death has left me standing alone on the dance floor with no one to partner me. I don’t know the steps to this solo dance and don’t know the next move to make or where to turn.