Trying to hustle!

Doing the hustle, or self-promotion, side of being an artist is often a struggle for us artists.

I know it is for me.

But I’ve been working harder on that part, which includes uploading more things to my shop platforms.

So here are what I currently have on my redbubble account. Dancingcreek

But, her peanut butter!

Yesterday I went to the Food4less to grocery shop. Supposedly they have food for less.

I think I’ve been in there before, but it’s been so long that I was basically starting anew.

I noticed that they had a decent sized bulk section. I had to do a double take at the bulk container of peanuts because it had a sogn saying you could get fresh ground peanut butter. Which I haven’t seen before.

I didn’t need peanut butter, but jelly was on the list so I meandered into the next aisle to have a looksee.

There was a fella in the aisle pretty much exactly where I needed to be so I stayed back a bit to let him finish and peek around him some.

He grabbed a jar and turns around to say, “I’m always getting in trouble for getting peanut butter Spread. I’m supposed to just get peanut butter.”

I reply, “you should get some of the fresh ground peanut butter in the bulk section.”

“I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Yep, a big tub. ‘Is this what you wanted?'”

We laugh.

I add, “oh, or just a big bag of peanuts.”

He nods in agreement. “And a blender!”

He really gets into it and says, “or maybe I’ll just show up with a plant with a big ol’ root ball and some potting soil!”

We snicker some more and he says I should have a good day as he wanders off.

Lol.

Now I want to go back and get some fresh peanut butter.

Nice little interlude of humor.

A Poem. Titled

I wrote a poem.

I wrote a poem and I filled it up with words.

And crafted lines of the most beautiful prose you’ve ever heard.

You could feel the emotions dripping off of the page

The sadness

like molasses

The fiery crackle of burning hot rage

Some humor, a light

To cut through the darkness

Like a knife.

I weighed you down

In pain to wallow,

Then lifted you up

In healing for tomorrow.

The words were flowing

And then they weren’t.

May Flowers

They say that April showers

Bring May flowers.

I think that this may be true,

But only if violets are blue.

Perhaps a vase of weeping willow

Bent in sorrow o’er a dampened pillow.

Between Mother’s Day

And the day of your birth

May can tend to be low in mirth.

You’ve been gone now for years and years.

It’s not fresh. I’m not often awash in tears.

But if there is going to be a time when I weep,

I can safely say it’ll be this week.

Mother’s Day 2021

Selfish Semantics.

Content warning: suicide.

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The other day I received news that my friend’s ex had killed himself. He was, generally speaking, a good guy and it’s a sad thing. [He contracted/developed a Bonehead Disorder for which he refused to seak treatment that led to their breakup. It surprised all of us because he’d previously not shown any symptoms 🤷‍♀️]

As it happens, that friend is my person. And who I usually can vent to when something is bothering me. In this situation, she understandably, is not in the headspace to be that for me. As she shouldn’t have to, of course.

Luckily it was just a couple days till my regular therapy appointment.

I spoke to my therapist about things and eventually we were talking about suicide more generally (since that’s also how I lost my mom, there’s some history stuff churned up).

I said that “I know people say that suicide is really selfish…”

She said that it is.

We had a bit of a discussion about it.

It came down to realizing that my interpretation of “selfish” includes intent and greed. Which I don’t think is usually what’s going on. She agreed with me and we tried to think of another way to say selfish that didn’t also have those connotations.

The next day I came up with thoughtless, but I still don’t think that’s the right word either because part of the problem is thinking wrongly. They put a lot of thought behind it. But from inside their depression or other illness, they don’t have, or can’t see, the correct information.

Negligent was another word that is close, but not quite right.

As I started to write this post, my intention was to grumble a bit and complain about not having thought of the correct word to convey my meaning properly. As a person who takes pride in her facility with words it’s frustrating.

The act of coalescing my thoughts to write them down enabled me to produce a word/phrase that I think might work.

Self-oriented.

Because of their situation and/or mental health they aren’t able to see out of the pain and darkness to account for the feelings of others accurately. And depression lies to you.

Depression Lies.

If you are feeling suicidal, please reach out for help.

800-273-8255

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/&ved=2ahUKEwjiiZ7OxbDwAhVOsp4KHfetAc8QFjAPegQIJhAC&usg=AOvVaw0VrgVCubddcNXfazK6KrGh

Permission for Enthusiasm, Ma’am!

I was in a situation recently where there was a certain expectation that I would behave in an unrestrained or enthusiastic manner.

And I did.

And it felt really good and freeing.

Which caused me to notice that I don’t typically act that way. And lament that I don’t.

Stewing on the WHY, I’ve been reading recently about a common symptom or comorbidity with adhd called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This is where you are very sensitive to the pain of rejection from being scolded or mocked. Because of that you start to self censor preemptively to avoid anticipated rejection.

This leads you to sand off the “sharp corners” of your behavior and personality in order to not be singled out for punishment for acting up or out.

And you whittle down your life until you are safe; invisible.

So with this revelation/realization, which I think is made possible because I’m on prozac and can see around and behind my anxieties instead of just being in them.

I can see this. And I can work on not doing this anymore.

Starting with Permission for Enthusiasm which I bestow upon myself.

Potatoes and Nostalgia

I can only really make a couple things my mom made. One is celery boats. Mmmm, so good.

The other is potato soup.

Handwritten recipe by Mom

I don’t make it very often. Mostly because my immediate family doesn’t really like it and I end up eating all of it.

Which is fine insofar as it’s delicious and I love it and I’m always a fan of leftovers. But nowadays, I’m not supposed to have carbs and it’s full of potatoes.

Which are, of course, one of my favoritest foods. Especially when combined with sausage…mmmm.

And even moreso when it’s combined with the memories of mom.

Is there a more potent combination than potatoes and nostalgia?

Very doubtful.

So yesterday I made mom’s soup and splurged and ate 3 bowls. Yumm.

Today I’m trying not to snarf down the rest of it, even though that is my first instinct.

For breakfast, I had a bowl of broccoli and cauliflower with a scoop of soup over it for flavor.

I deserve a medal!

Boy also had a bowl today. He had me add rice to it. I haven’t heard how it was. But I also didn’t hear any complaints. So…

I’m full up with food and memories today.

It maybe doesn’t look so great, but it is!

I’m not racist, but…

I’m not racist, but I’m capable of doing or saying racist things unknowingly because of my privilege or ignorance.

I’m not racist. I can back up this claim by listening to people of color who let me know where I’ve erred. Even if, or especially if, it doesn’t seem like it to me.

I’m not racist, so I don’t have to get defensive and deny. I can admit that I may need work and take the lesson.

Where you can find me and my stuff!

I maintain a small presence on Etsy.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/DancesWithPaint

And also on redbubble.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/DancingCreek/shop

I’m on Instagram.

And I’m on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/art.by.brook/

And on patreon.

https://www.patreon.com/Dancingcreek

I’ve now joined Tiktok:

@ dancingcreek

And have an Amazon wishlist:

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3HBQ7FRYPNIAL?ref_=wl_share

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