I have been feeling like I need to be writing again. More and more. Hopefully that will land here. I need to get over the excuse that I don’t have WordPress downloaded on my phone which matters because I don’t have internet at home right now other than on my cellphone. But really its just another thing that I’ve put off arranging. Now that words are starting to bubble up again I think. I hope. I do. I need to make it more easy for me to put them somewhere.
12 May 2014 Leave a comment
I’m not feeling particularly able to put thoughts cohesively together on paper right now very much. But I pretty much feel the same as back when I wrote this in 2012. Today is the in between day, and filled with angsty energy.
Originally posted on to be dancing... a novelty yarn:
She was born in 1956. She would be 56 this year. Just a quick 20 years older than I.
Being as her birthday is the 13th of May, it is always engaged in a dance with the Mother’s Day.
Occasionally they meet up.
Last year was the first Mother’s Day since she’d been gone and her birthday was on the Friday before it. I don’t know yet if it’s harder this way or not. I’ll hazard a guess that every year will be hard in its own unique way.
This year, I would have loved for her to see me hanging my BFA Senior Art Show which opened on Thursday. and graduating next month. and, of course, how big and strong and cool her favorite (and only) grandson is growing up to be. These things hurt my heart.
But we will not dwell on them too long, for…
View original 183 more words
06 Mar 2014 Leave a comment
A thing that I find funny, you know, in that funny-not funny way that things sometimes are in life (and death) is a little tidbit regarding my mom and my husband.
They both loved me (us) very much and wanted to take care of me (us) in the best way that they knew how. They just really disagreed on what that looked like.
So, while they could put aside their differences sometimes, they could also really, really, not get along at other times.
Now that they are both gone, we are going through some rough transitional times, but ultimately, it will end up that between the benefits we receive from Al’s disability and the income we will end up getting from mom’s estate, we will be okay. And it will be roughly in half as to who the support comes from.
So they will have managed to work together to take care of us “one last time,” in spite of their differences.
I like to think that they aren’t burdened by petty squabbles any more and can see each others’ motives clearly now. So that will help them to work together to help us as time passes. Between the two of them (and others, of course) we have a pretty damn good team working for us.
20 Feb 2014 2 Comments
20 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
One wishes that it was possible to function easily in the world without money. Alas, it is very difficult. Especially when the financial situation changes very quickly and unexpectedly.
To that end…
Please help me help you help me.
31 Dec 2013 4 Comments
I long for the days that were before
Though I know that they can be no more
standing on the cusp of a lifetime of new tomorrows
bled through and steeped with the blue of soul wrenching sorrow
I look to the future weary and heartsore
shivering from the cold of winter’s dark floor
I cannot yet rejoice in the coming of the new year
as those that preceded it were bathed in salted tears
these winter holidays with their festivals of light and cheer
remind us that the all-encompassing darkness will not always be here
with the passing of time and the turnings of the days
there will be incrementally larger slivers of the suns rays
I don’t need to rejoice with a leap and a bang
just light a small candle to light the way again
we know the wheel turns and turns
and the long cold winter nights will give way to summers burns
the light will return and the dark will recede
bringing the respite and clarity we need