Paradise

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In other words:

You gotta get past all the shit to get to Paradise.

also, try not to fall down to your doom.

and hilarity ensues. or terror, it’s sometimes hard to tell.

My aunt and uncle were at LAX when there was a shooting. So they were delayed a couple/few hours. Then when they were finally loaded on the plane, a baggage cart crashed into the plane next to them’s engine and they were delayed again waiting for the emergency vehicles and clean up. They weren’t sure that they were going to get to SeaTac in time to rent a car. So they called ahead. The lady said that they were open 24 hrs, so no problem. They finally got there at 12:07 and the lady says, “sorry, we close at midnight.”

So they get a car.

They go all the way out to it and it doesn’t work. So they have to go back and exchange it. The guy is then like “ok, well, go bring me the keys back” (at this point, people were starting to lose their cool)

So J is like, “give me a new car.”

“All we have is SUV’s”

“I don’t care. Just give me something with four tires and a steering wheel that runs.”

“Well, they cost more.”

“No, Give me a car and I’m paying the $17 a day that I signed up for online. and you are giving me a car!”

So they finally got here at like 3 in the morning. My cousin was flying in to SeaTac and supposed to meet them and drive down with them. But he was there and they weren’t, so my other aunt went back and got him. He was there a few hrs I think. He got here at about 11:00.

Saturday we had a shuttle bus chartered to take us up to where we were going to spread Wally’s ashes. That went fairly well, except for the brakes or a belt or the heater or something starting to melt or something filling the bus with toxic fumes.  That got squared away and the only other thing was that it was snowing up there and sideways wind. So we couldn’t really walk around and see much without freezing to death…and we got pretty worried when K turned up missing. She went a little way up the trail up the mountain, but didn’t tell anyone she’d gone. Then Davy went to find her and disappeared. Though we collected him shortly. Eventually all were collected and we returned to the cabin unharmed.

The rest of the weekend has been uneventful. With the exception of a strange flickering and surging of the lights and power. We attributed it to too many things plugged in, but when the oven keeps turning off and you are trying to make pizzas (and have already gotten to the point where they need to be cooked.) and it takes HOURS to do it. The maintenance guy decided that it was a transformer out on the road and called the power company after the power surged and two DVD players popped, fried and started smoking. Eventually we were able to finish cooking by putting the pizza trays on the top of the wood-stove. We were using candles, flashlights, and cellphone screens for light. augmented by the occasional epileptic siezure inspiring strobe light effect. Eventually we turned off most or all of that. It was okay until one of the outlets, during one of the surges, popped and caught fire by itself while there was nothing plugged into it. then we were nervous and turned EVERYthing off at the circuit breaker so we might be able to sleep. (we considered taking turns keeping watch). But at 10:00 or so the power company arrived and I think they got it fixed last night. I wake up really early right now, so I’m not the one who’s going to start flashing circuit breakers and stuff on to see who I can terrorize in the wee early hours with sudden daylight in their eyes.

Don’t forget, it’s daylight savings or the end of it.

Other than all that, the weekend has been great. No one has been arrested or even pulled over, so I think we’re counting the weekend (so far) as a win. or something. And completely typical of our gatherings.

A Pity Ditty

♫I have a little tummy ache
I’ll tell you how I know
Cuz the contents of my tummy place
Up I want to throw!

 

the nausea it is mild

I’ll tell you how I know

cuz the cramping in my abdomen

and lower back are the main show!

 

I’m tired and I’m cranky

I’ll tell you how I know

Cuz the —

–Never mind. I’m going to bed.

Must needs these

So, I need to invent a couple of things right quick.

First, I need a Bleach Scented Candle. That way my house can smell like I cleaned it without all that pesky work*. Of course, I’ll need to figure out how to make it a scent that I am not reactive to. But that is a mere detail. And can be worked out later!

The other thing that I need to invent is a holster to hold multiple phones. I am making that for my friend since we were talking about having multiple Twitter accounts and how it’s difficult to switch between them on his phone**. The obvious solution to this problem is multiple phones. Obviously, again, we then need a convenient way to carry them with ease of access. I envision it as an ammo belt criss crossing the chest like a bandolero  Or it might be in a binder with pockets and dividers similar to baseball card protectors. Lastly, it could be in some sort of wallet that unfolds your phones like those things that hold all of your grandkids photos.

There. I have improved the world yet again.

 

*I am cleaning. It’s just not fast enough. Somebody get me of this damn treadmill.

**Soon enough he will no doubt write the code for an app that manages multiple accounts like that. Because that’s what he likes to do. This is an interim solution. Or maybe just cooler.

Secret of life?

Last week I read this post by The Bloggess which is mostly about trying to sum up life. I really like her version. I also love the offerings in the comments. I added my own “motto” which I have used for quite some time. I heard it in high school in the lyrics of a Faith Hill song.

THE SECRET OF LIFE IS:

THERE AIN’T NO SECRET AND YOU DON’T GET YOUR MONEY BACK

Which I take to mean that you (we) should try to be present instead of worrying about the other shit too much and that you’ve already purchased your ticket so you may as well enjoy the ride. and it’s an E TICKET RIDE for sure, if you let it.

But, in truth, I usually would offer the advice, “Don’t forget to breathe.”

and wear sunblock.

or carry a scarf

if you haven’t made it to sunblock weather as of yet.

I also tend to agree with The Bloggess in that post when she says to bring some bactine.

So after a tad more thought my theory of life advice is:

 

RESPERATE

and

PREPARATE

and also:

BE PREPARED TO BE PRESENT

(insert punctuation as needed)

be prepared, to be present.

Do you have one?

Daylight Saving Delusions.

Early Daylight Savings Morning Convo with self:
Daaang, WTF are we doing up so early? It’s like 4 o’clock, man.

No, no, look: the clock says it’s 5.

Bullhonkey, what did you do? Run around and change all the clocks so I’d get up earlier?

Uh, well.

OMG! You did. What kind of outfit are you running here. That ain’t Hoyle, man. Why would you do that?

You know, the thing with the daylight…?

Oh. That again? They still do that?

Yeah. Every year.

Come on, we know a couple people in Arizona. They don’t fool with this BS down there.

We aren’t moving to Arizona. Just go along…it’ll be okay in a week or two.

 

*This post is brought to you by the early morning ramblings of a pre-coffee, pre-awake brain. Adjust your station accordingly. 😛

Birthday Word Doodles

It was my friend’s birthday the day before Valentine’s day.

We were challenged to write birthday songs for her.

Here were some I came up with:

roses are read
sandwiches are hammy
happy birthday to you
miss Tammy

Roses are red
Said the cranky old possum
All I know is
Tammy is awesome

back to the drawing board
the words are not coming
there are only so many
things that rhyme with running

tammy is my friend
the end ♥

roses are red
violets are blue
I don’t want diamonds
just give me running shoes

roses are red
violets are blue
bring back the storylady
because the library fucking sucks without her.

violets are blue
red is a rose
who’s the one
who snorts coffee out her nose?

books are read
by our tammy
all that running
gives you a nice fanny

roses have thorns
violets are stupid
valentine’s day is over
you’re a pain in the ass, cupid.

roses are crimson
violets are violet
probably this poem
will end up in the toilet

the cadence is off
the rhyming is shoddy
here’s another
to go in the potty.

It’s possible I veered off topic.

 

this is one i wish i made up:

roses are red
violets are blue
rhyming is hard
bacon

 

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