Dear Mama

Il Divo Mama on Youtube

This year is a season of painful firsts. Firsts without my mom being in this world. First everything without her somewhere out there- near or far. First Thanksgiving. First Christmas. They were not too bad, but so incredibly stressful and weird that I don’t think it really registered.

First Mother’s Day.

This one is revealing itself to be very challenging.

May, I think, will always be the hardest month. Mother’s Day has always been tangled together with my Mom’s birthday. Sometimes they are even the same day. (Not this year, thankfully. I think.)

Since I became a mother, I was always just a little bit grumpy that I had to not only do Mother’s Day for my mom, but also birthday stuff on or around the same day. I hate the way that sounds, but that’s how it was.

I know that she didn’t like having the two so close together either. Often that meant that she got combined gifts so she felt gypped sometimes. Although, in my defense, since I was a child and heard her say that, I have made sure to always give her two separate gifts so that she wouldn’t lose out on one or the other.

I think we all know how these petty grumbles reveal themselves to be just that when someone is gone. Believe me, if I could I would give up my Mother’s Days entirely to have her back here I would in a heartbeat.

So.

Today I am trying to enjoy my Mother’s Day. But it seems it will always be my mother’s day.  Now more than ever.

I ♥ you Mama.

I miss you.

I hope you are still partying with Grandma. She threw the best parties.

Happy Mother’s Day.